Pata Hain Teri #Rashtrabhaasha Kya Hain?

So I recently (or a few weeks or even months ago, depending on when I decide to publish this) woke up to the news that India will be issuing passports in Hindi as well as English. The Republic of India, with over at least 22 mutually unintelligible languages, will be issuing passports in two languages.

As a Kannadiga, I got triggered as usual at first but then I remembered that the Indian Constitution, the thing that actually forged into and sustains as one nation what is actually the European Union of the East, does in fact accord special status to English and Hindi. Those two are the 'official' languages as far as purposes of governance go for the Union. So to me, issuing passports in both these languages seemed fine eventually. What purpose it serves is beyond me, of course. A document whose primary purpose is to facilitate travel abroad will have stuff written in a language which less than half of India can read, let alone people of other countries. Smart. I suppose travel to Nepal will become a breeze compared to what it is now... a breeze. Half of the West has trouble identifying us from... less reputable countries* but sure, throw on some strange stuff on our passports too. It's not like our comfort with English is one of the primary reasons we have *something* at least to export for dollars. It's not like it plays a huge role in how successful we are in the West, particularly in the US. No sir, English has forever been and will always be a 'bad influence' on the culture that discovered nuclear fission before Julius Caesar was born. NO benefits at all. We must always conflate English with the English. But that's alright, as long as English is not done away with completely, it's all good.

Snide jokes and my personal politics aside, I will accept that this is not that big an issue. But...

... what this got me thinking about is the main question of Hindi being an official language that has at least some level of precedence over the other languages of India. Also, the arrogance of some "Hindi Humari #Rashtrabhaasha Hain" types that this and other moves triggered. Mind you, I know Hindi well enough. When I write Hindi, I can pass for a native speaker. Perhaps an old-fashioned, but still. My spoken Hindi isn't that great because I don't get to speak much. In fact, I never needed to speak it, except for one year in Gujarat. This point about needing it, I'll come back to it later if I remember. I like Hindi. It's a language, a means of communication that has been used to produce some really good literature, cinema and music. But it's just another language!

I'm willing to bet that a majority of Indians (who are not from the Hindi belt) reading this will understand spoken Hindi to some extent at least. Why is that? There will only be 4 primary reasons: Bollywood, school curriculum, some exposure to Hindi-speakers at work/school or having grown up in the Hindi belt. Take away all of that and how much Hindi would you know? Honestly, tell me. How else would you have learnt Hindi? You wouldn't. Don't even begin to try and explain to me how someone who has lived all their life in, say, Theerthahalli in Shimoga would understand even 'Ek Do Teen'. No way. There is absolutely no way for a non-Hindi speaker to understand Hindi. They are mutually unintelligible. I would have gone for the easiest example of certain people in Bangalore who can't understand a word of Kannada but still expect all the bus conductors and rickshaw drivers to be able to converse in #Rashtrabhaasha, but that's too easy and perhaps a little shallow. Most of India's major languages are mutually unintelligible. Ask the Mysore/Bangalore Kannadiga who has had to endure Tulu speakers around him. Ask me, about how Bangaloreans are shocked about me not understanding Telugu which they think is 'similar'. Why do they think it's similar? I think the answer is obvious. It all goes back to the four reasons I listed. To a native speaker of one of the major languages who hasn't been exposed in any way to another, every other major language will be almost as alien as English. And that's just the spoken part. Written? Forget about it. We have different scripts, for heaven's sake!

Alright, now that we've hopefully agreed on or at least started thinking about how different our languages are, lets talk about why we should fuss about them. Honestly, why should the imposition of one language on states who have their own distinct languages be an issue? Two reasons come to my mind: Culture and Economy.

First, the culture. I will extend this to one's identity itself. Language, more than anything else, shapes one's identity. Try as the organized religions may to change this, they inevitably bow to the might of languages. The language in which you think, which you speak with your family, which your favorite books are written in, that language shapes you. Several extremely important concepts in Christianity are disputed by different adherent simply on the basis of how the original Aramaic or Greek was translated! This is also important when you realize that all languages are not simply ways of expressing the same ideas using different sounds. If that were the case, this wouldn't be a huge issue. It's not like programming languages, where you can achieve the same results in different languages. Or wait a second, come to think of it, this isn't the case even in programming languages, right? I'm no computer science guy, but from what little I know, coding for a specific task in different languages has implications in terms of running time, storage space etc. Right? Leave all that aside, one language might simply let you achieve the same results in significantly less lines of code than another. Kundapur Kannada versus Arabic, anyone? Languages can even shape how we understand the Universe. How, you ask? Ask the people whose language has no concept of of numbers as we know it.

The economy part? I think I've said enough controversial things in this post already and will assume that it's easy to agree knowing which language matters most for an Indian who wants to prosper economically.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to get at, and probably boring you in the effort, is that languages matter. Imposing a language is no different to imposing a religion in my opinion. Even if a language is spoken by a huge majority of a country, imposing it on the minority is wrong. Add to that the facts that Hindi is not a mother-tongue for literally hundreds of millions of us Indians and that it offers no significant advantages in terms of economic progress, and you have a very weak case indeed.

Like everything else to do with us humans, threats and force never work when it comes to matters of the heart. And one's relationship with languages is a matter of the heart. In fact, force actually ruins what could have been a perfectly good situation. Behns and Bhais, why go for force when you can win us over with some choice servings of Gulzar? Or perhaps Harivansh Rai Bacchan?

Zor se nahin, pyaar se (figuratively) maaro. Jeet jaaoge!



*I mean no disrespect personally to these countries but the fact is that the West has grown deeply suspicious of certain nationalities. It is extremely saddening to me that people are being discriminated again based on such things but it is a reality of modern life. I hope it changes.

The Battle for Hearts and Minds.

26th July, 1999: Vijay Diwas. I've grown to dislike most wars, no matter who is in it. Most wars. They just don't make sense anymore and they're always about a whole lot of grey stuff. There's never any one side which is right or wrong and a whole lot of brilliant young men and women die or get injured. It simply does not make sense. Kargil Vijay Diwas however is one of the exceptions, at least as far as reasons and justifications go. It was a clear case of a rogue state (and a failed one at that) trying to assert itself by grabbing its neighbor's land by force. As with most wars, there was also an element of a failed state trying to distract its people from its own problems. We all know how that worked out.

India has almost always been a benign entity on the world stage, as benign as a nation-state can be in such a region without being taken for a ride. I think that's a consequence of how we've placed our priorities, our collective mentality of chilling out and the fact that our armed forces are primarily geared for defense (A more powerful Navy + A hot-headed PM might have changed this, for sure. Thank goodness we don't have the first part of that).

Anyway, we've mostly been the good guys, a relatively stable place to live and raise your family in. Relatively is the key word. Despite several issues and limitations, India still offers its citizens opportunities to do well in life no matter what their background. No matter how much the Rashtriya SS types might have you believe, it is for this reason that India, the most daring geopolitical experiment ever, has made it so far. Ideas of unconditional loyalty to a sub-continent sized, fair, saree-clad, lion-riding lady with a saffron standard in hand don't appeal much to people whose primary concern is being able to live and raise a family in peace with food, healthcare and education that is at least within 5 kilometres of their houses. Let's not kid ourselves. If you're reading this, you're most likely among the top 1% of this country in terms of income and definitely among the top 5%. You do not know what REALLY keeps India together. Or to be fair to you, you've probably never felt it.

Having said that, it's disappointing to see us systematically destroy our standing in one of our states and squander what we've built over the years and what we reasserted on that first Kargil Vijay Diwas.

No amount of troops or nationalism can help you when you lose the battle for hearts and minds. By silencing, blinding and maiming our own people, we risk losing that battle. Let's hope we don't let Vijay Diwas go in vain. This isn't how India should do things. Kashmir should not become our Chechnya.

Guest post

Okay so here is an insightful post by a friend which I thought I'd share with you people. Please post your comments, if any, here. I'll make sure the original author, who wishes to be anonymous, sees it!

When we were in college we all must have dreamed of what we would do with our first salary. Back then we thought that our first salary would be the source of eternal joy. Although we might have said otherwise, our first criterion for choosing companies during placement was invariably the “package” offered. Work began, we eagerly waited for the 25th of that month. We tweeted and posted on Facebook about the salary getting credited and felt really proud. But by the 28th of that month, we were done treating friends, buying stuff that we planned for, spent it all and within no time lost all the excitement. Unlike what we had assumed, the happiness gained from it didn't seem like a long term thing.

This little incident kept nudging me to find out why that so-called “eternal joy” faded away so soon. What does it take to stay happy? 

It is believed that those who have satisfaction in life are comparatively more peaceful and successful. But satisfaction here doesn't mean being complacent with where you are. It is human nature to always crave for something better. It could be higher studies, a promotion or doing really good work and being appreciated for the same. Ambition is what drives us forward. If we weren't longing for more, wanting to change, we would have stayed where we were. Sometimes even laziness can be a boon when it comes to changing for the better. Some of the most useful inventions probably happened because some lazy guy came up with an idea to make his life easier. I kid you not!

Coming back to ambition, I believe that ambition should be absolute and not relative. Comparisons with others can spoil the benefits of ambition. Some people might be good at singing or sports or public speaking. That is because they were dedicated, systematic, organised and enjoyed it. Accept that fact, try to find out how they got better at it, get inspired and try hard to improve rather than just being envious and sad that we can't be like those talented people. Set your own targets, appraise yourself regularly and ask yourself if you've done justice to yourself and not whether you have done better than others. Trying to be better than someone can be a motivation, but once you do beat that certain someone, what do you do next? Isn't it better to set your own targets than rely on others?

Appreciate yourself and the gifts you have been blessed with, challenge yourself to make the most of those gifts and most importantly, take pleasure out of the little things in life that happen more frequently and you'll find that you’re considerably ahead of your peers in that most difficult of pursuits, the pursuit of happiness. Appreciate yourself and the gifts you have been blessed with, challenge yourself to make the most of those gifts and most importantly, take pleasure out of the little things in life that happen more frequently and you'll find that you’re considerably ahead of your peers in that most difficult of pursuits, the pursuit of happiness.

Just as we shouldn't compare ourselves with others, it’s important not to worry about what others think about us. Happy people are spontaneous, natural and real, they say what they think and feel, and aren't concerned what others think of them. But at times when we feel really demotivated, we should try to find our own individual strength. No matter how weak we believe we are, we have an inner strength that has brought us through several hard times in life. We must reflect on those times and see how far we have come by the power of our own will and determination. Appreciate what you've been able to do, whether it was managing to get a good job, or fixing a bug or even writing a blog post.

Happy people do what they enjoy and enjoy what they do. To be happy, you need to be comfortable with what you do. There’s no point being stuck in a job you hate, surrounded by unfriendly colleagues just because the money is good. Many spend the best years of their lives trying to make money, sacrificing their health and family in the process. Later, they spend the same money they made working trying to recover their lost health and alienated family. Very few of us really stop to enjoy the small things in life. We're so focused on attending meetings, answering our calls, and checking our email that many of us forget that there really is a beautiful world beyond our work space. Every day at work, take some time out, make friends, hang out, sit together and work as a team and celebrate even for small accomplishments.

Something great and wonderful happening shouldn't be the only cause for happiness. If you believe that winning a prize or buying yourself that cell phone or car that you've been wanting so long is going to make you happy, you're absolutely right. It will make you happy for about two hours. Then you'll be looking for something else to bring on that shot of joy.

Appreciate yourself and the gifts you have been blessed with, challenge yourself to make the most of those gifts and most importantly, take pleasure out of the little things in life that happen more frequently and you'll find that you’re considerably ahead of your peers in that most difficult of pursuits, the pursuit of happiness.

Season 7

I haven’t blogged for a while after my... er, passionate Independence Day post. Now that the semester is over, I think it’s time that I tell you people a bit about it. And anyone with an idea of how things work at most engineering colleges will know that the last two semesters are mostly, if not all about placements and admits. In my case, it was sadly all about placements. The ‘sadly’ has been introduced as a result of my summer internship making me realize what work after BTech means for a mechanical engineer.

Anyway, this post is mostly about my placement experience. You’ve been warned in advance, so don’t read this if you’re not interested in such boring stuff. My preparations for placement season were quite thorough, as thorough as most preparations for any exam from third year and ahead. I guess I need not say more. The first company to visit for mechanical was Bajaj. Actually it was among the first companies to visit campuses altogether. Having worked at a motorcycle company over the summer, my dislike for automobile companies had only increased. Yet, being the focused and determined person I am, I sat for Bajaj.

Bajaj is sort of like the Microsoft for mechies I guess. It pays well (best in the market, significantly more than certain companies which think of themselves as Bajaj’s competitors), location is good (Pune), profiles are challenging and the company as a whole is virtually the best indigenous manufacturer of bikes here. So, we all sat for it out of respect actually (the ones who weren’t that keen on it even). I was so confident and keen on the company that I hadn’t even bothered to bring my formal clothes or shoes. I just sat for the test because it would be a good experience. As it turned out, the paper had both general aptitude and technical questions with, wait for it, equal weightage. I focused on the general aptitude questions and attempted a few technical ones. I got lucky and qualified for the interview. Yes, Bajaj were all about quick and efficient recruitment methods. There was just one interview and they said they didn’t bother about what we wore. All the same, I didn’t want to be the only one in casual clothes and ran back to the hostel to borrow pants from one guy, shirt and tie from another and... Well it was chaotic, to say the least. I took my documents and ran to the Training & Placement department. I don’t remember having to wait that long. My interview was quick and enlightening. It was clear that not only was I disinterested in automobiles but I was also quite incompetent at them. Or that’s what the interviewers made me feel like. I was asked a few questions on my project on lighting systems in automobiles (which was pretty useless, I must admit) and then later I was asked a question on how I’d make vehicles more efficient without touching the engine (yes, that was it, it was that general) I told them about making the vehicle more streamlined with the aid of some very clumsy figures, talked about how a vehicle that hugs the road with down force ultimately gets more traction (is that right?) and about how CVT can give more appropriate gear ratios for every speed and thus increase efficiency. I guess that wasn’t enough.

Having not had much hope anyway, I returned to my room to later find out that 5 people had been recruited. Company 1 down.

The next one was Caterpillar. Now for those who don’t know about this company, it is the world’s biggest manufacturer of construction and mining equipment and machinery. They’re a Fortune 50 company if I’m not wrong and are very proud of what they do, rightly so. They are by no means a ‘low profile’ company and don’t want people who see them a stepping stone to higher studies or some 2 year stint. At NITK they are up there with Bajaj in terms of pay and frankly even work I guess. Okay, so the test. This time I had brought my formals, thankfully. I wrote the test, which had aptitude, technical and verbal components. Technical was the most important part this time. The topics which I remember were thermodynamics, hydraulics and pneumatics (major portion, this), fluid mechanics and manufacturing. The test was pretty tough and far more of a challenge than the Bajaj test. I say this because I qualified in this as well. I know, how modest right? I somehow made it through. There was a group discussion which went quite smoothly. I think the topic was about how education is/isn’t necessary for success. I thought it was and spoke a bit. The interview was easy. They asked me about my CGPA trend and why it had a negative slope. To be honest, they didn’t seem very bothered by it. They asked me about my project. Asked me about the effect an open fridge had on itself and its surroundings. They also asked me to define a tool and a machine, which was slightly weird and also fun. Bottles, pens and the AC were used as examples. And then they asked me my interests to which I said strength of materials/structural. They asked me to design a diving board from scratch and it was pretty easy given that to me it was basically about designing a very flexible cantilever. The problem was, I was having second thoughts about the work and the location. They had no guarantee as to whether they would assign me an R&D job or a manufacturing one. I know this was a bit arrogant on my part, but I voiced these concerns and also asked them about the possibility of relocation. They weren’t pleased by this I guess or maybe didn’t find me good enough. All the same, Company No. 2 was down. Truth be told, I wasn’t that sad about this either.

In the following days quite a few companies came and went. I would go to their presentations and get disappointed with some aspect of the job. These were the initial days and some of the companies I skipped were actually gems which I stupidly did not try for out of greed. There, I said it. Others, the work was simply not what I expected and I’m happy to have not tried for. Oh, and I tried for Pepsico but was deemed unfit in the preliminary online psychometric test. That was interesting. Psychometric tests are awesome, you should try one.

Next came the one company I really wanted. Tata Motors, a Tata company, market leader in many segments, a job profile that gave an insane amount of exposure to the industry, good locations and a good compensation package. The test was conducted a few days before they came to the campus and it was online. Most of the questions were general aptitude and verbal. The technical part was varied in terms of topics. I remember questions on gears and other drives, production and operations management etc. The on campus process involved a group discussion followed by two interviews. The GD was on whether Indian television was exploiting the youth. The next technical interview was the longest I have faced. It went on for more than 50 minutes. I was asked questions on my project, manufacturing processes (I was asked what a pattern was, specifically),  Iron-Carbon diagrams and was grilled for around half an hour on why Finite Element Methods are required. Also a question on how section modulus impacts the member’s load carrying capacity where I was asked to quantitatively prove this for an ‘I’ section. That was it. The next interview was an HR interview. The HR guy seemed to be making an overt attempt at an accent and to be honest, trying to emphasize his ‘HR’ness. I guess it is pretty clear that I did not like him in the least, with his. His language was difficult to comprehend and at one point he said ‘crub’ instead of ‘curb’, which I unconsciously corrected. He seemed to have a severe disagreement with some points I had expressed during my GD and he brought them up. When I defended them, I was labelled as arrogant. Well, if that was the case I have no regrets in not making it there. If I was expected to not defend what i thought was right just to get the job, I’d rather be unemployed. Either he used that point to test me (in which case I took the bait most gloriously) or he did something very wrong by trying to impose his personal opinion on me and disregarding me because I did not yield. That or I was simply not good enough for the tech guy, which I have no problem with. Anyway, Company 3 down. I was pretty disappointed this time.

The next few days involved more disappointing presentations and returning to the room.

Irunway. This company was one which I’d never heard of before. They were basically a firm which helped companies sue others by ascertaining if and how patent infringements were made. Good pay, interesting job and a great location made me register for it. The test was interesting. There were some reasoning & comprehension questions with the subject matter being mainly consumer electronics and associated technologies, some mathematical questions (Olympiad type and basic calculus), a few programming questions (C++, mainly logic based) and some mechanical ones. It also has a small essay type question where you were supposed to write about your aims and interests. Anyway, that evening we had the Tata Steel test which I was more interested in. Tata Steel pays very well and although the location is not that great at first sight, it is supposed to be a very fulfilling and secure job. The test that evening was another case. Insanely difficult, it was made for a metallurgy student rather than a mechie. Questions were asked on steel, how it is made, its properties, basic manufacturing processes, fluid mechanics and thermo. Towards the end I was just ticking answers randomly in spite of the negative marking system. I was more hurriedly doing this because at the beginning of the test I was informed that I had qualified for the Irunway interviews happening RIGHT THEN. It had started raining, so I wrote what I could and ran to my room, dressed and went to TnP. The interview was bizarre. Like a sort of HR round, the guy asked me about my interest, football, regarding interesting incidents that happened on campus (I told him about the rickshaw accident I had two days ago) and other such stuff. We had discussions on relativity and how Newton was different in terms of expressing the law of gravity. Yup, it was a very strange interview. I qualified for the next round where I was asked questions on IC engines, Wankel engines and questions on guesstimation (estimating the number of Joshuas in the world, the number of webpages created everyday). I was asked to explain some of my answers in the written test too, and failed miserably at solving the C++ questions. I won’t elaborate, they were really laughable. The impression I got from this interview and the subsequent lone recruitment was that they wanted someone who knew his stuff well (whether that was Rock Blasting or Artificial Intelligence was immaterial to them) and also someone with a fairly high IQ. Expected, given the nature of their work. They wanted a smart person who was thorough. Okay, Company 4 down (or if you include Pepsi, Company 5).

By now I was panicking. There wasn’t any news about any good companies coming in the foreseeable future (read Placement Site schedule). By good, I mean the companies whose profiles seemed appealing to me. There was Reliance, and that was it. My hopes about Atkins or L&T (Bombay) coming were dashed. Reliance had a good reputation. Okay, that goes without saying. The location was not bad, I absolutely adored the CM of Gujarat and some really good seniors were there. The presentation reinforced that. The profile they offered was not exactly in line with my interest but it was good, with great potential for professional growth.

Okay, I’ll cut the crap. I wanted to get placed and get it over with, and Reliance was more than enough. The presentation was embarrassing because of the power cut and the projector flopping as usual. The test involved aptitude and verbal questions which were very easy but required effective time management. Technical was okay, focusing on manufacturing processes, fluid machinery (pumps, pumps and more pumps) and some other subjects which I totally forgot. I qualified for the interviews. Me and the department’s erstwhile topper were sitting together and revising (now that I think of it, this was the first interview before which I actually did some focused study. Thank you Tintin for that little bit of motivation) We were lucky, both of us were asked questions on topics which we had seen moments ago on Wikipedia. That reminds me, thank you Jimmy Wales and team. I shall definitely donate soon. In the interview I was asked about the subjects I had taken that semester, a question on casting defects, some welding question I don’t even remember, a question on pressure vessels and the pressure components associated with them (Hoop stress etc.) and a general question on the role of a mechanical engineer in an industry like Reliance. It was over in less than ten minutes. I assumed that I had been disappointing and was hence dismissed early. Went back to my room in a very bad mood and if not for the salt, I might have really lost it. I slept off only to be woken up much later to Tintin calling me to TnP. The results were about to be announced and I didn’t want to go there to be rejected for a fifth time. But then I got a call telling me that I’d got it. The feeling is hard to describe. You only get it once in your life. I went there to TnP in my shabby jeans and FSUK shirt, got the offer letter, was asked about my attire and berated by the Reliance guys for not having enough confidence in myself. I told my loved ones about it, went back to my room and wore three layers of underwear and also my then redundant ankle crepe bandage in a vain effort to protect myself against the barbarism that was to follow. My butt was blue and pink for a week after that.

Well that was it, the day I got my first job. I honestly don’t know why I wrote this long post, but maybe it has something to do with the absolute lack of work I’m facing now. Hardly any classes anyway in college and now I’m on holiday. Getting placed has been a relief and the whole process leading up to it, a memorable experience. Thought I’d share it with you. Hopefully the next post shall be a little less boring and narcissistic.

And oh, for those of you who are looking for something better than placements, here is a pretty informative blog by a friend of mine :- http://opulentverses.blogspot.in/2012/10/a-tryst-with-internships-part-2.html

Man United, not ManU!

Manchester United. Looong post, be warned.

Inevitable I guess, me writing about this. Those who follow football will wonder about the timing however. Why am I writing about United when they have lost their title to the worst possible opposition, in the most painful manner? Well, those who TRULY follow football will know why. United is one of the most successful clubs in world football. Yet that isn’t what’s special about this club. United inspire awe, wonder and even hate for one trait, to which I shall come back later. Or maybe not.

I started following football during the 2006 WC. I randomly started supporting England, having heard of Rooney and Beckham before. Yes, as much as we would like to pretend, for most of us over here in India, that is how the football mania begins. In essence, we are all cricketiyas J For me, football seemed all the more attractive as a sport. I was tired of always being the one who dropped catches while fielding, who bowled more wides than proper ones and who almost always went last to bat. Football wasn’t about ‘one mistake and you’re out’. In football, you could suck all through the game and no one would notice. I know, good reason right? Anyway, I liked football. And the firangis played it better. So, I started watching.

I saw the Ronaldo-Rooney bust up and got curious about the team for which these two played normally. So, I started watching the EPL that season. I have an uncle who supports Arsenal, and I’d watched the Arsenal vs Barcelona Champions League final with him once (or was it after 2006?). That was all the background I had till then. But I immediately fell in love with the team. United had this sense of speed and forcefulness I didn’t see in any other EPL team at that time. Arsenal were in a kind of recession, and were playing their own version of tiki-taka without any results (and they continue to do so, which is a shame really). Liverpool were under Rafael Benitez. Enough said. Chelsea were the kings at that time. Tyrants, led by the special one.  Jose Mourinho was indeed a brilliant manager, and had established what one of the most effective teams as far as winning a league goes. And it was left to United to do something about it.

It was during that season that I saw the greatest midfielder of his generation, Paul Scholes. I mean, this guy’s passes were brilliant. Quick and incisive short passes, and lobs from another world. And he had the perfect target to aim for. Wayne Rooney. Temperamental, passionate, foul-mouthed and now United’s heartbeat, this guy could pluck those long passes out of the air as though the ball was a magnet and his boots were iron. Or vice versa. Ryan Giggs, the EPL version of Tendulkar. This guy had been playing for what 15 or more years by then, and he was still ripping teams apart from the wing. Give Ryan Giggs an inclined board in front of goal and 1 second on the wing, and you have a goal. Cristiano Ronaldo with his stepovers, speed, killer free kicks and unsurpassed cockiness chipped in with almost as many goals as the strikers. I remember Saha used to play for us back then.  The other two players I really admired were Nemanja Vidic, our brilliant CB whose absence cost us the league this time and Edwin van der Sar. VDS was a brilliant keeper, perhaps United’s second greatest after Schmeichel. But more than that, it was like having an extra outfield player. VDS’s ball distribution was simply superb, comparable to Pepe Reina’s. Anyway, that first season I saw United destroy Roma in the CL semi-final 7-1. That game defined United for me. Counter attacking at its best. United didn’t pass the ball all the time or have insane dribblers. Or not that many atleast. But just the sight of those red shirts running at full pelt, scaring the shit out of the opposition, it was amazing.

We bowed out of the CL to AC Milan, who at the time were still giants. They still are actually. With the departure of great but highly paid stars, they’re sure gonna be able attract some real good talent next season. AC Milan, the team I like most in the Serie A. Ok, so we were out of the CL. Anyway, that was ok. That first season, I saw United lift the Premier League title again. I didn’t know much about them yet, but I saw what it meant to United. The Premier League was everything to United. United had ended Chelsea’s reign. And thats when it started.

The next few years were glorious. Ronaldo was the main driving force. He scored goals like crazy despite being a winger, and Rooney played the perfect partner. We had Nani coming in, Carrick was there. Anderson, the da Silva twins and many more. The 2007-08 season we wrapped up the League title with ease. But there was more. I watched my second CL final, this time with a team to support. Cristiano had scored a brilliant opener with a header. But United didn’t finish things off early and Chelsea got back into it with a typical helter skelter goal from the overhyped Lampard, who celebrates his fluke goals as though he meant every little deflection. I seriously don’t like him Gerrard is better. Anyway, the game went to penalties after a very heated last few minutes. And who better to miss the penalty than our man, Cristiano. Of all the people, he missed as he had done in the SF against Barcelona (oh yes, people can defeat Barcelona by playing football). John Terry stepped up to take the winner. And he slipped. I hate being negative, but that moment is one which I shall savor for ever. And then, VDS saved Anelka’s penalty. Manchester United were kings of Europe again J

I grew even more crazy about United. Ronaldo was at the height of his powers and was scoring goals for fun. Berbatov was there, scoring insane goals at leisure. And we had the engine of Rooney, Scholes, Carrick, Fletcher, Giggs, Vidic, Rio and the others. We won the title again. And a few teacups along the way. Chelsea regained the title once, but we had won it thrice by then. United were back, and I was hooked on to United for life.

I didn’t realise how crazy I was about United till the end of the 20080-09 season. One of the greatest comebacks at the Old Trafford happened that night (night in India). We defeated Spurs in a season defining game. But what was more special, even ominous for me, was what loomed the next day. Not something I write about where my mum can see it anyway :P

Why are United so successful? Do United have no problems at all? Well, read about the Glazers. I'd rather not get angry and start using the beautiful words. United have a history, a proud history. we have overcome adversity time and time again. Not just on the pitch, but elsewhere too. If you've time, read this.

But if you want to read something really awesome, read this. This man is Manchester United, as far as our generation goes. I know, how lazy can I be right, with all the links? Well, if you want, you can stop reading now. Its ok. Just check out the previous link before leaving though.

Some other moments I cherish are the title wins, the Macheda goal against Aston Villa, the Scholes screamer against Barca with Messi looking on, the CL knockout win against Arsenal, seeing the 1999 CL final for the first time, the 8-2 over Arsenal this season, the Rooney bicycle kick against City last season and the way we lost to Bayern in the CL QFs. 

I’ll tell you why all these matter, even the loss. It’s because they are example of the thing I love most about United. United thrive on adversity. We just never give up. Love them or hate them, a United team in full flow is one of the most electrifying sights in football.

United set the standard in England. Atleast as far as the PL era goes, United have been the one constant in England. Even now, when our noisy neighbours splashed their money around and other teams whimpered, we stepped up to the plate and gave City hell. We are still at the pinnacle of English football. United can only improve. I’d have said we’ll be back. But seriously, have we gone anywhere?

United, for life J

P.S. You shall not refer to United as ManU and call yourself a fan. It is a derogatory term used by our rivals in connection with a tragic incident. Thank you :)

The past few weeks...

A blog entry after quite some time. I’ve been quite busy over the past few weeks. Exams kept me occupied from the day before the first to three days before the last (refer to our crazy time tables for further details). I’ll go on typing whatever comes to my mind. The stuff I say might not even be in chronological order.

Incident and midsems...

The highlight of my month so far (and this holds good for most of my college mates at NITK) was our college cult fest Incident. The Fest To Die For, The End Of The World Party and other titles abound, the fest really was a masterclass in planning and finances, from what little I saw of the workings behind it. With a dedicated bunch of students working on everything from how to get the money for the fest to how to spend it, Incident ’12 was perhaps the most meticulously and creatively conceived fest to date. Few people from outside NITK (or even inside for that matter) realise why Incident is different. Let me put it simply. EVERYTHING that happens is handled by students. Whatever can go right is done by students. Whatever can go wrong... well let’s just say that is taken care of by enemies both foreign and domestic (I’m sorely tempted to use emoticons right now, but I won’t. Instead, I shall continue to misuse parentheses). Anyway, there you go. Incident ’12 happened, but not quite as we planned it.

The Empire struck. Well actually it did not strike, it just lay back in its cool cloistered abode and watched the dream of its ‘subjects’ come crashing down. Incident ’12 was an example of how the actions of many can be negated by the inaction of a few.  The midsems came and went in the week before Incident and now we await the results of the same. I’m not even bothering to cross my fingers.

Notice the amount of space Incident took up in comparison with the part about tests? That should tell you the story.

Our consolation was a performance by a GNR tribute band, Jailbreak. I heard that this was pretty good, and so was the opening act by a local band which actually performed Tulu rock songs! I missed it all as I had to leave for Bangalore that night.

Tiruchi Venganur Sundaram...

Yup, that’s the full form of TVS which I finally checked after a very namkeen reminder. Why TVS? Well, a week before our midsems, we had a test conducted in college. It was on a Saturday, and for once I actually took the effort to go back to college on a Saturday. The test was by TVS Motocorp, who by the way make 3 wheelers as well, to hire (on what seems like a subsistence wage basis) a few young engineers to work for them over the summer. To be honest, before I wrote the test I wasn’t even sure the Apache was a TVSM product. Yes, I still aim to be a mechanical engineer.

Anyway, I wrote the test. After some really shady elimination process (inverted pyramid stuff, I tell you!) 14 of us Mechies were invited to their plant in Hosur for a day. So, back to the last day of Incident. While the rest of the college swayed to the tunes, or whatever it was they did, of Jailbreak, we set off for Bangalore. I won’t tell you stories of my trip to Blore. But I shall give a few points.  I like saying things in points.

1. Never switch off your Nokia 7210 thinking you’ll conserve battery life. You’ll end up without a mobile for days. Unfortunately for me, this happened on this trip. Allow me to say “Saavu marre!”.

2. Bangalore, despite the myths, doesn’t always have great weather.

3. If any place needs a change of name, it is the supposedly Majestic bus stand of Bangalore.

4. Cousins are indeed your first and best friends for life, no matter how infrequently you meet.

5. Infosys, Biocon and all those fancy companies you hear about are NOT in Bangalore. They’re a torturous bus ride away. And Hosur is in Tamil Nadu.

6. TVS Motors has one of the finest manufacturing/assembling facilities for bikes in India.

7. Songwriters beware. The Tamil film industry is always on the lookout to ‘improve’ your songs.

8. We seriously need a national language. I vote for Tulu.

9. But seriously, I vote for English.

10. No one knows Bangalore, which in my opinion is a case study on how NOT to connect a city. If you have so many awesome places (which you do, no doubt), please set up an efficient transport system.

11. I saw the Manchester United bar. I just saw it.

12. Mangalore Special Bhel Puri exists. Supposedly we make it sweet.

13. If you want a cool new phone, please don’t take your recently deceased phone to the service centre.

Well, that should be enough for now.  I’m trying my best to keep this blog from turning into a diary and yes, I’m failing miserably. Time for an abrupt ending.

No seriously, that’s it.

  

Infinity Pack Abs

I guess you might be wondering what Infinity Pack abs are. Well, you need a basic understanding of calculus for that. This picture (is it there? I used the URL) might help.

Six packs, Eight packs and other such physical attributes seem to be all the rage these days. However, what perplexes me is that even those with a background in mathematics (read ALL ENGINEERS) seem to drool over this phenomenon. Why? Because Infinity Packs are even cooler! Let me explain...

Fourier Transformations are basically used to convert continuous curves to discreet ones right? Like, sinusoidal inputs to ones which computers and their minions can make sense of. Basically chopping off the major part and keeping the high and low states. 

The guys (or girls) with a discreet amount of abs are on the right side of the graphic, while we infinity packs are on the left. We just have so many abs that they form a continuous curve which average eyes cannot see! We are the ones with more abs, infinitely more abs than SRK, Aamir or Esha Deol. 

I hope this makes many people feel better about themselves (or makes them wish that I stop blogging, anything will do). Thank you. 

PS: If you notice, the transformation is reversible. The catalysts (or more specifically, the functions) are gluttony and exercise.